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	<title>The Twins of the Father</title>
	<link>http://bitrot.net/father</link>
	<description>A father&#039;s ponderings on twins and their devious ways</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Mon, 15 Feb 2010 10:49:19 +0000</lastBuildDate>
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	<item>
		<title>The Creator</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Ah, half term holidays: a time when the girls can take not-getting-ready-in-the-morning in all kinds of new and exciting directions.
The following conversation took place this morning, Nicola at the bottom of the stairs, the girls in their bedroom after some 30 minutes or so of &#8220;getting ready&#8221;:
Nicola: Girls, are you ready yet?
Lauren: Er&#8230; nearly!
Nicola: Come [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/303/the-creator/</link>
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		<title>Neckophobe</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Lauren revealed to us last night that Hannah is a &#8220;neckophobe&#8221; &#8211; that is, someone who has an irrational fear of having their neck pinched.
Sounds like she&#8217;s inherited that from me.
]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/300/neckophobe/</link>
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		<title>Farewell, 2009</title>
		<description><![CDATA[
Farewell then, 2009. Next year the girls hit double figures and turn 10, the age at which children generally (so we&#8217;re told) stop putting marshmallows up their noses.
I&#8217;m not sure if I&#8217;m feeling relieved or nostalgic right now.
]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/297/farewell-2009/</link>
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		<title>How do you solve a problem like this?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[8:05am. As tradition requires, the girls have been reminded/politely asked/told/commanded about a thousand times to get dressed. Hannah is now dancing around the room in the nude, singing &#8220;How Do You Solve A Problem Like Naked?&#8221; in a trill operatic style.
My friends, I fear all hope is lost.
]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/289/how-do-you-solve-a-problem-like-this/</link>
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		<title>33, 34, 35, 36</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Hannah to Nicola: &#8220;Mummy, do the numbers 33, 34, 35 and 36 occur to you?&#8221;
Nicola: &#8220;Occur to me? What do you mean?&#8221;
Hannah: Y&#8217;know, do they ring a bell?&#8221;
Hannah is standing half in her wardrobe. She is &#8220;getting ready for bed&#8220;.
Nicola: &#8220;No, not particularly.&#8221;
Hannah (producing theatre ticket stubs with a flourish from within the wardrobe): &#8220;High [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/286/33-34-35-36/</link>
			</item>
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		<title>3D Specs</title>
		<description><![CDATA[They&#8217;re right: things look somehow better in 3D.

]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/282/3d-specs/</link>
			</item>
	<item>
		<title>24 Angry Chocolates</title>
		<description><![CDATA[There&#8217;s been a fascinating and seasonal legal case developing at home this month which I thought you might like to hear about. The case was brought by Lauren (&#8220;the Plaintiff&#8221;) and facing her across the courtroom is the formidable legal mind of Hannah (&#8220;the Defence&#8221;). Sitting in session is Judge Dad. The case concerns two [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/270/24-angry-chocolates/</link>
			</item>
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		<title>Dreaming</title>
		<description><![CDATA[This from Lauren last night, in the car on the way home from school:
Daddy, I&#8217;ve just made this up, right: imagine there&#8217;s this girl, right, and her name&#8217;s Suzie &#8211; I don&#8217;t even know why she&#8217;s called Suzie, I&#8217;ve just made it up! &#8211; and she&#8217;s asleep, yeah, and she&#8217;s dreaming, but in that dream [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/264/dreaming/</link>
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		<title>Daddy, Hannah said I have breasts!</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Back when this blog started, almost 4 years ago, I&#8217;ll admit I was entertaining some rose-tinted notion that, as time went by, the ratio of getting-ready-in-the-morning to full-on-conflict-resolution would improve. I probably thought that by the time they were, say, 8 years old, they might get washed and dressed most mornings &#8211; or even just [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/258/daddy-hannah-said-i-have-breasts/</link>
			</item>
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		<title>Fat Cherry or Baby&#8217;s Bottom?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The girls have recently devised an ingenious classification system for chins. Frankly I&#8217;m wondering how we as a species have come so far without it.
Pinch your chin between your thumb and forefinger. If it forms a cleft, you&#8217;re a Baby&#8217;s Bottom. If it just sort of bulges out, you&#8217;re a Fat Cherry. For some reason [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/247/fat-cherry-or-babys-bottom/</link>
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		<title>A tale of two pennies</title>
		<description><![CDATA[From Lauren at tea-time tonight:
Imagine if you had two rabbits, yeah, and they were both called Penny, and you were dropping one of them off at the train station, right, and then her owner said, &#8220;Let&#8217;s go and pick up Penny,&#8221; but you thought she meant Penny the pasta!!
It turns out she was referring to [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/235/a-tale-of-two-pennies/</link>
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		<title>When is a prawn not a prawn?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The girls continue to hone their joke-telling skills, using me as their unfortunate foil. This morning&#8217;s selection came once again from Lauren.
Joke 1
Q. How do you make anti-freeze?
A. Lock her in the fridge.
[Aside: One of my earliest memories is wondering why this joke got such a big laugh when I didn't even understand it. The [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/233/when-is-a-prawn-not-a-prawn/</link>
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		<title>The Happy Adventures of Hannah and Lauren</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Sorry the blog&#8217;s been so dead recently! I thought I&#8217;d try and liven it up a bit with this video I put together a few years ago which I&#8217;ve just uploaded to video-sharing site Vimeo. I think you&#8217;ll like it&#8230;  

The Happy Adventures of Hannah and Lauren from Mark Whitaker on Vimeo
]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/232/the-happy-adventures-of-hannah-and-lauren/</link>
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		<title>A loaded question</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Hannah came wandering into the room the other day. Maybe I&#8217;m only saying this with benefit of hindsight, but I&#8217;m sure I was aware of Lauren hovering just outside the door.
&#8220;Daddy,&#8221; said Hannah, &#8220;what would you rather have had: girls or boys?&#8221;
Well there&#8217;s only one way you can answer a question like that, and Hannah [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/231/a-loaded-question/</link>
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		<title>Pink, glorious pink</title>
		<description><![CDATA[There&#8217;s a reason this blog is pink. I wonder if you can work out what it is whilst looking at this photo of Hannah and Lauren decorating their bedroom today&#8230;

]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/230/pink-glorious-pink/</link>
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		<title>Ready&#8230; steady&#8230;</title>
		<description><![CDATA[GO!

Hannah and Lauren are on school holidays this week so today, in a break from preparing to decorate their bedroom pink, we made some milkshake. (Are you perhaps seeing a colour theme developing here?)
The girls had to hold still while I fussed with my camera for ages, so by the time I was ready and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/229/ready-steady/</link>
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		<title>My family and other animals</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Since September the girls have been at junior school (I think that&#8217;s 3rd grade to US readers). The change in them has been amazing: they&#8217;re just drinking up facts and information like&#8230; well, like things that drink up facts and information, I suppose.
This morning, as they were getting dressed, they wanted to know about mammals. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/228/my-family-and-other-animals/</link>
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		<title>The Story of the Broken Dancing Shoes</title>
		<description><![CDATA[
The King awoke one morning to the sound of great commotion coming from the drawing room beneath his bedchamber.
&#8220;Oh bother,&#8221; thought the King, &#8220;whatever can be the matter?&#8221; And without further ado he swung his legs out of the bed, slid them into his royal slippers and reached for his royal dressing gown.
On entering the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/227/the-story-of-the-broken-dancing-shoes/</link>
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		<title>It&#8217;s that time of year again</title>
		<description><![CDATA[December fever is upon us. It barely seems a couple of months since last Christmas but as I type, the girls are dancing round the landing shrieking a song they just made up that appears to be called &#8220;It&#8217;s Four More Days Till Christmas.&#8221;
Today is the 3rd of December. They&#8217;re supposed to be going to [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/225/its-that-time-of-year-again/</link>
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		<title>Sdrawkcab</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I came down for breakfast this morning to find the girls practising writing their names backwards.
Lauren: Daddy, from now on my name is Nerual! [pronounced to rhyme with Beryl]
Me: OK Nerual.
Lauren: And your name is Kram!
Me: OK.
[Perfectly timed pause]
Hannah: You can just call me Hannah.
]]></description>
		<link>http://bitrot.net/father/224/sdrawkcab/</link>
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