http://bitrot.net/father A father's ponderings on twins and their devious ways Sun, 31 Aug 2008 16:53:15 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en From Lauren at tea-time tonight: Imagine if you had two rabbits, yeah, and they were both called Penny, and you were dropping one of them off at the train station, right, and then her owner said, "Let's go and pick up Penny," but you thought she meant Penny the pasta!! It turns ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/08/20/a-tale-of-two-pennies/ The girls continue to hone their joke-telling skills, using me as their unfortunate foil. This morning's selection came once again from Lauren. Joke 1 Q. How do you make anti-freeze? A. Lock her in the fridge. [Aside: One of my earliest memories is wondering why this joke got such a big laugh when I ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/05/07/when-is-a-prawn-not-a-prawn/ Sorry the blog's been so dead recently! I thought I'd try and liven it up a bit with this video I put together a few years ago which I've just uploaded to video-sharing site Vimeo. I think you'll like it... ;-) The Happy Adventures of Hannah and Lauren from Mark Whitaker ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/03/27/the-happy-adventures-of-hannah-and-lauren/ Hannah came wandering into the room the other day. Maybe I'm only saying this with benefit of hindsight, but I'm sure I was aware of Lauren hovering just outside the door. "Daddy," said Hannah, "what would you rather have had: girls or boys?" Well there's only one way you can answer a ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/02/20/a-loaded-question/ There's a reason this blog is pink. I wonder if you can work out what it is whilst looking at this photo of Hannah and Lauren decorating their bedroom today... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/02/20/pink-glorious-pink/ GO! Hannah and Lauren are on school holidays this week so today, in a break from preparing to decorate their bedroom pink, we made some milkshake. (Are you perhaps seeing a colour theme developing here?) The girls had to hold still while I fussed with my camera for ages, so by the ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/02/18/ready-steady/ Since September the girls have been at junior school (I think that's 3rd grade to US readers). The change in them has been amazing: they're just drinking up facts and information like... well, like things that drink up facts and information, I suppose. This morning, as they were getting dressed, they ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/01/29/my-family-and-other-animals/ The King awoke one morning to the sound of great commotion coming from the drawing room beneath his bedchamber. "Oh bother," thought the King, "whatever can be the matter?" And without further ado he swung his legs out of the bed, slid them into his royal slippers and reached for his ... http://bitrot.net/father/2008/01/20/the-story-of-the-broken-dancing-shoes/ December fever is upon us. It barely seems a couple of months since last Christmas but as I type, the girls are dancing round the landing shrieking a song they just made up that appears to be called "It's Four More Days Till Christmas." Today is the 3rd of December. They're ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/12/03/its-that-time-of-year-again/ I came down for breakfast this morning to find the girls practising writing their names backwards. Lauren: Daddy, from now on my name is Nerual! [pronounced to rhyme with Beryl] Me: OK Nerual. Lauren: And your name is Kram! Me: OK. [Perfectly timed pause] Hannah: You can just call me Hannah. http://bitrot.net/father/2007/08/07/sdrawkcab/ Hannah and Lauren established a revolutionary Pregnancy Post Office in our living room today. It's like a normal Post Office, but where the postmistress (Hannah) is also a trained midwife. It's the kind of diversity I feel all Britain's post offices have been crying out for. Two conversations overheard this morning. ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/08/05/whens-the-next-delivery-due/ It's been a long time coming, but toothlessness has now come to visit, and it's looking like it'll be a long stay. Lauren's currently ahead with 3 out, but Hannah's got some great "wobblers" in there so she's bound to catch up. For the record, the first tooth to come out ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/07/01/finally-were-off/ I can't believe it's been so long since I last shared the girls' jokes with you (over a year now!). Time to make amends with an absolute belter from Lauren this morning. Lauren: Daddy, do you want to hear a really bad joke? Me: OK. Lauren: OK, so... what's the difference about a ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/04/10/the-difference-about-a-witch/ This year's April Fools' Day prank: Unfortunately I forgot to blog it until 2 April. Still... erm... April Fool! http://bitrot.net/father/2007/04/02/april-fools-day/ Scenes from this year's Gingerbread Olympics, taking place in our dining room, just after tea. First the swimming event, then the diving. :-) http://bitrot.net/father/2007/02/22/the-gingerbread-olympics/ We had a surprising update yesterday to the Slow to Zoom system. It turns out there is a speed even faster than Zoom, known as A1. This in turn is outstripped by B2, then C3 and so on, right up to the frankly interstellar... Z26. All of this is pure theoretical ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/02/22/update-z26/ This, as you can undoubtedly tell, is Hannah's sound picture: Click on it for the full story! http://bitrot.net/father/2007/02/14/hannahs-sound-picture/ The girls got recorders for Christmas. They're both downstairs abusing them now. So far they have only learnt one note: that piercing one you get when you blow too hard with all holes uncovered. Shriek! Shriek! Shriek-shriek-shriek! Mike Oldfield this ain't. I am approaching the point of despair. A word from the wise: if ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/02/06/recorders/ Hannah and Lauren revealed an amazing secret to me today: their five-level heirarchy of Getting Dressed Speeds. Ranked in order, these are: Slow Wide Fast Smart Zoom Rather than defining each one precisely the girls offered rather scattered titbits of information, a bit like one of those logic puzzles where you ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/02/02/from-slow-to-zoom/ All quiet on the blog front lately, but I'm sure it won't be long before the girls catch me in a creative mood again. In the meantime, here's a montage of photos of their latest obsession, Jenga. They discovered it while we were visiting friends on a rainy Sunday afternoon last ... http://bitrot.net/father/2007/01/28/jenga/