Archive for May, 2006

Simple pleasures

Published on 30 May 2006 in Growing up and Pictures. Closed

Hannah and Lauren are in the grip of a new craze, especially useful for instant conflict resolution: the game of stone, paper, scissors. In this action shot, Hannah’s stone has just blunted Lauren’s scissors:

Stone and scissors

Lauren’s dead easy to beat because she always starts with scissors. On the other hand, Hannah hasn’t cottoned on to this yet so it still ends up being a pretty fair contest. This weekend they must have played at least a million rounds and they show no sign of tiring of it yet.

Health and safety

Published on 23 May 2006 in Funny. Closed

The girls were practising putting their faces under the water in the bath tonight. This conversation followed a few minutes later.

Hannah: I don’t want to put my head under the water now Daddy.

Me: No, that’s fine. There’s shampoo in the water now and that’ll hurt your eyes.

Hannah: Yeah, and if you put your eyes in shampoo you go blind!

Me: No you don’t, it’ll just sting. You won’t go blind.

Hannah: Yeah! But! If you put your eyes in THORNS you DEFINITELY go blind!

Me: Yes, thorns would probably do the trick.

Lauren: Yeah, because that’s what happens to the prince in Rapunzel, isn’t it Hannah?

Hannah: Yeah.

Thankfully there were no thorns in the bath on this occasion and the girls made it out with their sight intact. But it just goes to show that sound home safety advice can be found in the unlikeliest places.

Tricks

Published on 17 May 2006 in AAARGHH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!, Funny and Growing up. Closed

I got a text message last night from my brother Simon (pictured above). Simon is dad to 9-year-old Beti who has been mentioned elsewhere on this blog.

Beti just suggested I phone you, put on a silly voice and say “Hello, I’m phoning about that mustard you ordered.” She’s been giggling ever since.

It sounds like the makings of a classic practical joke to me! But it also has me thinking, rather dauntedly, about the future combined forces of Hannah and Lauren at that age. The signs are not good. Their 5-year-old arsenal of trickery already includes:

  • Ultra-realistic pretending to be asleep in the car, then yelling suddenly when you go to pick them up. I swear, if De Niro was to spend a year immersing himself into the role of Guy Asleep In Car he could not hope to achieve the kind of authenticity we see (and fall for) on a regular basis.
  • “There’s a bee on your nose!” (Taken from the book I Can Trick A Tiger)
  • Assembling a small-girl-shaped pile of toys in their beds then creeping up behind you when you go in to tuck them in.
  • Opposite Land: an advanced version of the traditional twin swap routine where Hannah is Lauren, Mummy is Daddy, good means bad, up means down, and so on, and vice versa. Trust me, it messes with your head.

Once they gain Beti’s level of sophistication I suspect there will be no limit to their evil.

Wobble Alert!!!

Published on 1 May 2006 in Growing up and Pictures. 5 Comments

Can you see them wobbling?Breaking news: Hannah and Lauren both appear to have wobbly teeth!

There’s a distinct lack of rigidity to the lower front teeth of each twin. Further news here as it breaks.

In the meantime, the girls are well prepared for this momentous occasion. They have both acquired (either as gifts or via pocket money) small pink sparkly tooth containers which appear to be compliant with known EU tooth fairy regulations. They’ve also been dropping plenty of tips to make sure the tooth fairy doesn’t mistakenly use 1970s tooth pricing guidelines in the 21st century.

Lauren: Zosha’s lost TWO teeth! And she got two pounds from the tooth fairy!

Us: What, two pounds for each tooth? Or two pounds for both of them?

Lauren: (pensively) Actually, I think it was twenty pounds.

Hannah: Yeah, twenty pounds!

Us: Per tooth? (well what the hell…)