Archive for July, 2005

Chirpy nonsense

Published on 30 July 2005 in Funny, Maddening and Overheard. 4 Comments

Like all other parents of small children, we’re usually woken up by either (a) arguing, (b) a series of loud, alarming bumps and bangs or (c) chirpy nonsense. The preferred option is (c) – it just doesn’t get your hackles up like the other two do. Sure, it’s far from ideal to be woken up before dawn to answer how many sleeps it is until Beti’s party1, or whether owls have willies2. But with practice it’s the kind of thing you can respond to whilst still asleep, rather than leaping into fully-awake conflict resolution mode from which there is no return.

Yesterday started with Lauren hurtling into the room some time around half past six. “Mummy!” she chimed. “Is today my real birthday or did I dream it?”

“No,” came a groggy reply from the pillow next to me, “you dreamt it.”

“OK!” And off she skipped.

1 “Lots, and I was just enjoying one of them. Her birthday’s not until December. Go back to bed.”
2 [Long pause.] “Good question. I’ll get back to you on that one.”

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Published on 7 July 2005 in Funny and Girls will be girls. 6 Comments

I’ve been reading the girls Charlie and the Chocolate Factory at bedtime the last few nights. I did suspect from the start that it was a bit too old for them (at 4, nearly 5), and maybe a bit too lacking in weddings (a mandatory feature of any favourite story or film). But with the new film approaching, which looks right up their street, it seemed like a good opportunity to dust off a book very close to my heart and give it a go.

To help things along, I gave a little recap of where we were up to each evening, and a summary at the end. True, the girls weren’t reacting as much as they do to other stories, but I took that to be a healthy sign of enthrallment. When Charlie finally peeled open his fourth bar of chocolate to see a glint of gold, Hannah’s fist shot into the air with a delighted “Yay!”

But the doubts soon began to grow. Two night ago, Nicola took the girls to bed, and it was only when I asked where they had got up to that she revealed they’d actually read something else. She mumbled something about them only wanting Daddy to read Charlie, and then made a sharp exit.

Last night, I ushered them to bed and picked up the book. “Right, girls,” I enthused, “who’d like some more of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?”

The girls just looked at the floor. Eventually Hannah bravely muttered, “It’s got no colours.”

“And no princesses,” added Lauren, glancing up through her fringe.

Hannah decided to take things up a notch. “Yeah, it’s boring.”

“Can we have Sleeping Beauty?” asked Lauren.

And so it was that the greatest children’s book of all time was put aside for another day, and instead we read Sleeping Bastard Beauty. Again. Crap story with a wedding at the end beats great story with no colours and no weddings. That’s 4-year-old girls for you.