I got a text message last night from my brother Simon (pictured above). Simon is dad to 9-year-old Beti who has been mentioned elsewhere on this blog.
Beti just suggested I phone you, put on a silly voice and say “Hello, I’m phoning about that mustard you ordered.” She’s been giggling ever since.
It sounds like the makings of a classic practical joke to me! But it also has me thinking, rather dauntedly, about the future combined forces of Hannah and Lauren at that age. The signs are not good. Their 5-year-old arsenal of trickery already includes:
- Ultra-realistic pretending to be asleep in the car, then yelling suddenly when you go to pick them up. I swear, if De Niro was to spend a year immersing himself into the role of Guy Asleep In Car he could not hope to achieve the kind of authenticity we see (and fall for) on a regular basis.
- “There’s a bee on your nose!” (Taken from the book I Can Trick A Tiger)
- Assembling a small-girl-shaped pile of toys in their beds then creeping up behind you when you go in to tuck them in.
- Opposite Land: an advanced version of the traditional twin swap routine where Hannah is Lauren, Mummy is Daddy, good means bad, up means down, and so on, and vice versa. Trust me, it messes with your head.
Once they gain Beti’s level of sophistication I suspect there will be no limit to their evil.