http://bitrot.net/blog MySpace my arse Sun, 31 Aug 2008 08:45:21 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en But I'll be watching Extreme Fishing With Robson Green on five. If there's one thing I love more than Robson Green it's fishing, and there's no fishing like extreme fishing. Did you see it last week when he caught that fish and then put it back and then caught it ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/08/31/i-dont-know-what-youre-doing-tomorrow-night-at-9/ ...it's because I'm typing it on my iPhone. I do everything on my iPhone these days. If there was a job where you could get paid for buggering about on an iPhone I'd be filling in the application form right now - provided of course that I could fill it ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/07/22/if-this-post-looks-different/ Apologies if that last post sounded a bit bleak. Southendcockneyboy has just cheered me up immensely with this piercing bit of what the BBC is calling "debate": Get in there! United, United! Seasoned commentators including Christopher Hitchens, George Monbiot and all those smart-arses with their blogs have so far been unforthcoming with ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/05/23/then-again/ Word reaches me that the Tory armies, fresh from their capture of Lundun, are on the march northwards and have now laid siege to Crewe. Dark days indeed. They say that the fool Brown sits sulking in his bunker, blind to the inevitable, while Darling has been seen eating his ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/05/23/dark-days/ Can you smell it? It's just like a really nasty smell. Can't you smell it? Can you smell it? I can smell it. Is there a window open somewhere? Smells like it's coming in from outside. Poo, it's horrible. Do you mean to tell me nobody can smell a smell?? What's wrong with ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/04/18/can-you-smell-a-smell/ Be honest: isn't this something every man's done from time to time? When officers had turned up to investigate they found Batchelor still partially dressed and with his flimsy thong on the wrong way round. It's so easily done, and after a few cans of Special Brew I'm told the chafing just ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/04/15/how-cheese-wire-was-invented/ A wise man once said: men blog; boys just post up other people's videos off YouTube. I think it might have been Karl Marx. Well I simply say: Karl Marx, you're full of shit. And shortly after that I say: here you go, have another YouTube video. http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/04/15/an-engineers-guide-to-cats/ If all music videos were done by Adam Buxton and based on a flimsy pun, I suspect I'd watch more MTV. http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/04/10/dont-make-me-a-target/ "Are bloggers blogging themselves to death?" asks the Guardian. I'm pretty sure I'm not. A blogger blogging himself to death, yesterday http://bitrot.net/blog/2008/04/08/blogging-oneself-to-death/ We put the kids to bed, had a cup of tea and then watched some telly, but at least we didn't dress up as a toolbar. For Halloween, eighteen of us dressed up as the different parts of the Toolbar itself. - Google blog I hoped at first that it might be some ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/12/12/and-i-thought-my-halloween-was-boring/ You know that bloke who killed all those people 20 years ago, yeah? You know his wife, right? You know her guinea pig? It's dead. This, according to the Sun, is the biggest story in Britain today. I mean, seriously. What about the canoe guy? What about Diana and Dodi? What about that nice bachelor ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/12/12/have-police-established-freddie-starrs-movements-on-the-night-in-question/ OK, I admit it, I didn't die back in September. That whole canoe thing was just a ruse. I've been hiding out in Central America and I would have gotten away with it too if I hadn't foolishly put a photo of myself holding my passport and driving licence on ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/12/10/missing-man-found-alive-and-well-in-panama/ There was some fellow from Iceland on Radio 4 tonight going on about fisting quotas. Apparently there's been too much fisting in the North Sea which has led to concerns that within as little as 10 years there will be no more fisting at all. It will just be impossible ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/13/fisting-quotas/ England midfielder Steven Gerrard stunned the world yesterday by announcing that, "England must deliver." "We need to score some goals, ideally more goals than we let the other team score," said Gerrard to gasps from the attending media. "We need to do this by using the things at the end of ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/11/england-must-deliver-says-gerrard/ They're those little orange flashy-type lights on the corners of your car. There's usually a stick for them somewhere behind the steering wheel. Try to think back: I'm sure it was covered in your driving lessons. http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/11/open-letter-to-all-bmw-drivers/ Celebrity arsehole Gordon Ramsay has not, it transpires, been burning his meatballs. The greens have not been overcooked in his meat and two veg. He remains a novice in the preparation of Grilled Cod Surprise. Pity. http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/10/rumours-of-mr-ramsays-flambed-testicles-have-been-greatly-exaggerated/ Of all the acres of newsprint marking the death of Pavarotti I can't find a single one that mentions the great man's passion for elephants. Let me be the first to rectify that situation. http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/06/in-memoriam-luciano-pavarotti-1935-2007/ A top UK judge made this astonishing pronouncement today, as pictured here by the BBC. He claims Q-Tips are a valuable source of protein and should be "force-fed to every man, woman and child in Britain", along with beef brains and lead paint from China which apparently are "good for ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/05/all-uk-must-eat-more-q-tips/ This morning I have been mostly flinging the sloppy leather yam. You know, "burying the ol' Nantucket flying pencil". Roasting the lucky chicken. etc. http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/09/03/flinging-the-sloppy-leather-yam/ I've decided not to go to the Diana thing today. The official line is that it "could divert attention from the purpose of the occasion". The truth is that I couldn't stand the woman and her kids keep staring at me every time I go for their dad's crotch. It's ... http://bitrot.net/blog/2007/08/31/pulling-out/