One day our children will climb onto our knees and ask, “Daddy,” (for that is my name), “did you really have to wash your trousers after every trip to the pub?” Yes, we’ll tell them, those were hard days. I wore my knuckles to the bone on the dial of that Zanussi.
Persil must be bricking it. I hear they have their very best boffins working on new kinds of dirt as you read this.
From left to right: Skippy the bush kangaroo; Rolf Harris; Dame Edna Everage; Steve Irwin (with crocodile); Craig Bag of Revels Horwood; Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; Harold Bishop; both Koala Brothers; Adolf Hitler.
I know there are supposed to be 11 but we have to retain some kind of advantage.
I’m being ironic, of course. We could field the Chelsea Pensioners and still see this lot off in time for supper. But the underlying point is a serious one: that the Australian is not a mythical beast. It is a creature of flesh and blood and it can be beaten (or failing that, made to look ridiculous in drag).
UPDATE: Where blogrot leads, The Guardian follows:
Amazon should ban people from leaving comments and ratings before a product is actually available. This would seem to me to be plain common sense. I mean honestly, just look at some of this crap:
It’ll be amazingness unrivalled!
It’ll be impossible for it to be bad – this is Harry Potter we’re talking about, guys, haha … it’s going to be GREAT! No question.
of course its going to be good
I know of many other people who are sure that Harry Potter and the ???????? will deserve five stars, to find them just type “harry potter fan fiction” into google. I got 1,950,000 results and its probably still growing. click on any harry potter fan fiction site, an look at the lists of authors. Probably every single person there is of the opinion that book 7 will deserve 5 stars and will rate it accordingly as and when it comes out.
I’m very tempted to give five stars to it, because it’s bound to be great, but it wouldn’t be ABSOLUTELY honest, would it? So i tried just not to rate it, but that’s not allowed. SO, i have to resort to giving it 5 stars…
And just for balance:
dont get me wrong
the book will get five stars from me it will be awsome but the title will get zero
Grade-A nuts, the lot of them. They should be taken out and shot, or at least taught how to spell and punctuate.
Update:More Potter lunacy, this time from Royal Mail. Don’t be surprised when you hear your local post office is closing down this spring. The postal services have spending priorities just like everyone else, it’s just that theirs are informed by the logic of a madman.
Spent an exhilarating day out on the rob today. Boxing Day is traditionally a great day for breaking and entering, as houses are chock full of brand new gear and people are out visiting relatives. Technically, of course, burgling with crowbars is now illegal, outlawed by a control-freak government as part of its risible class war. But the law is an ass, and far too blunt a tool for killing a passion handed down over generations from man to boy. Loopholes will always be found and exploited. Blair will never understand our ancient city ways.
A Happy Boxing Day to you all!
Just part of the magnificent haul we liberated from an end terrace in West Kirby today.
I’ve just finished reading You Ponce by Lenny ‘The Fuckles’ Maguire. I’ve always poo-pooed those books by gangsters in the past but that was clearly snobbery on my part as it’s actually surprisingly well written. The guy has a peerless grasp of metaphor, for example often using the word ‘machete’ where you or I might say bon mot.
He was clearly trying it on so without further ado I cut him down to size with a well-chosen machete.
I thoroughly recommend the book to anyone as it’s a jolly good read. Next up: ‘Ave That You Twat by Jimmy the Hatchet.