Category Archives: Pictures

Surprise announcement?

Can anyone tell me what the big surprise was today? Something to do with Blair apparently, but I haven’t been able to find anything about it in the papers.

Someone said that other bloke, the one with the mouth who sits next to him, was going to get his job? So obviously a hoax I didn’t even give it a second thought.

Supplies

Man does not marry goat

It seems that, just because of a bit of previous with goats, some of you expect me to be reporting on this guy who married the goat.

But how about the other guy – the one who didn’t marry the goat? What’s his story? Bet none of you thought of that, did you?

God, just get over the goat.

Prince William (goat not pictured)
Britain’s Prince William, who did not marry a goat yesterday

Only 136 days to go…

…until a smoke-free England. Huzzah!

One day our children will climb onto our knees and ask, “Daddy,” (for that is my name), “did you really have to wash your trousers after every trip to the pub?” Yes, we’ll tell them, those were hard days. I wore my knuckles to the bone on the dial of that Zanussi.

Persil must be bricking it. I hear they have their very best boffins working on new kinds of dirt as you read this.

Thomas the *ank Engine

Sexy Lovers in MotionDuring my Hornby railway phase, many moons ago, I never recall seeing Ringo or Bernard Cribbins getting up to this kind of shenanigans.

The man moves his buttocks and needs between 14 and 16 volts to do so, AC or DC.

– Caption for Sexy Lovers in Motion.

Other models include rutting deer, some immigrants getting rounded up by the cops, and Police Raid on a Brothel.

Paxman with a cat on his head

Quite why a Dutchman should concern himself with producing a wobbly picture of Paxman with a cat on his head I have no idea, but concern himself he did.

It reminds me of the animation I once did of Wim Kok with an ocelot up his arse: I must dig it out some time. (At least I think that was the title.)

German Comedy Not Funny Shock

HitlerInitial reviews of new German Nazi comedy Mein Führer – Die wirklich wahrste Wahrheit über Adolf Hitler (My Führer – The Truly Truest Truth About Adolf Hitler) are surprisingly poor. You’d have thought a comedy about Hitler made by Germans would be a hoot, but according to Damien McGuinness on Radio 4’s Front Row, the laughs mostly revolve around the Nazis being fat and falling over a lot.

Here’s the trailer so you can make up your own mind:

It’s a shame. Some of my favourite comedies are from Germany, such as Stop! Oder Meine Mami Schiesst.

Ten Australians the English COULD beat at cricket

10 Australians we COULD beat at cricket:

Famous Australians

From left to right: Skippy the bush kangaroo; Rolf Harris; Dame Edna Everage; Steve Irwin (with crocodile); Craig Bag of Revels Horwood; Priscilla, Queen of the Desert; Harold Bishop; both Koala Brothers; Adolf Hitler.

I know there are supposed to be 11 but we have to retain some kind of advantage.

I’m being ironic, of course. We could field the Chelsea Pensioners and still see this lot off in time for supper. But the underlying point is a serious one: that the Australian is not a mythical beast. It is a creature of flesh and blood and it can be beaten (or failing that, made to look ridiculous in drag).

UPDATE: Where blogrot leads, The Guardian follows:

The Guardian steals another great idea from proper journalists

Harry Potter and the Internet Fruitcakes

Harry Potter and the Internet FruitcakesAmazon should ban people from leaving comments and ratings before a product is actually available. This would seem to me to be plain common sense. I mean honestly, just look at some of this crap:

5 stars It’ll be amazingness unrivalled!
It’ll be impossible for it to be bad – this is Harry Potter we’re talking about, guys, haha … it’s going to be GREAT! No question.

5 stars of course its going to be good
I know of many other people who are sure that Harry Potter and the ???????? will deserve five stars, to find them just type “harry potter fan fiction” into google. I got 1,950,000 results and its probably still growing. click on any harry potter fan fiction site, an look at the lists of authors. Probably every single person there is of the opinion that book 7 will deserve 5 stars and will rate it accordingly as and when it comes out.

5 starsthe end…
I’m very tempted to give five stars to it, because it’s bound to be great, but it wouldn’t be ABSOLUTELY honest, would it? So i tried just not to rate it, but that’s not allowed. SO, i have to resort to giving it 5 stars…

And just for balance:

3 starsdont get me wrong
the book will get five stars from me it will be awsome but the title will get zero

Grade-A nuts, the lot of them. They should be taken out and shot, or at least taught how to spell and punctuate.

Update: More Potter lunacy, this time from Royal Mail. Don’t be surprised when you hear your local post office is closing down this spring. The postal services have spending priorities just like everyone else, it’s just that theirs are informed by the logic of a madman.

It will take more than an bunch of embittered Trotskyists to ruin our Boxing Day traditions

Spent an exhilarating day out on the rob today. Boxing Day is traditionally a great day for breaking and entering, as houses are chock full of brand new gear and people are out visiting relatives. Technically, of course, burgling with crowbars is now illegal, outlawed by a control-freak government as part of its risible class war. But the law is an ass, and far too blunt a tool for killing a passion handed down over generations from man to boy. Loopholes will always be found and exploited. Blair will never understand our ancient city ways.

A Happy Boxing Day to you all!

foxhunt.jpg

Just part of the magnificent haul we liberated from an end terrace in West Kirby today.

Has severe weather affected your journey?

Has severe weather affected your journey? the BBC wants to know.

Well yes, actually. I was going to pop round the corner for a Twix earlier but it was freezing out there so I didn’t bother.

Feel free to use the comment feature to share your severe weather stories.

Nothing comes between this guy and a Double Decker

Photo: The guy next door bravely heads out for a Double Decker earlier this afternoon

Mince pie round-up

Blogrot favourite NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown continues to deliver on its public service remit with a penetrating round-up of mince pie offerings from the major UK retailers.

The attention to detail is, as ever, quite staggering:

The reflections in the silver foil put me in mind of Terminator 2.

Mince pie

A Merry Christmas to both our readers!

Books by repeat offenders

YOU PONCEI’ve just finished reading You Ponce by Lenny ‘The Fuckles’ Maguire. I’ve always poo-pooed those books by gangsters in the past but that was clearly snobbery on my part as it’s actually surprisingly well written. The guy has a peerless grasp of metaphor, for example often using the word ‘machete’ where you or I might say bon mot.

He was clearly trying it on so without further ado I cut him down to size with a well-chosen machete.

I thoroughly recommend the book to anyone as it’s a jolly good read. Next up: ‘Ave That You Twat by Jimmy the Hatchet.