Just as I thought: evidence emerges that this homosexuality thing all has something to do with sausages.
After Debbie’s departure to Hungary in 2005, Brian helped re-launch Tom Archer’s failed sausage business, making Adam even more convinced that Brian had problems with Adam’s sexuality.
My investigations continue. You’ll hear more when I finally get to the bottom of it.
I just got one of those e-mails that ends with:
Please consider the environment - do you really need to print this email?
Yeah, I thought, good point. So I wrote it all down instead, but I only had a crayon handy so it ran to 8 pages.
I looked at them and thought: so who’s that helping exactly?
The wife just uttered those three little words which never fail to make my heart leap and remind me why I married her all those years ago: “Curry for tea?”
Truly I am blessed amongst men.
Just spent £5 on 60 minutes of hot-spot wi-fi action in a hotel room. Here’s what I’ve chosen to do with this wondrous gift:
If anyone has any better ideas please can you mail them to me in the next 14 minutes?
Phones4U is a shitty horrible chain of mobile phone shops in the UK. Their sales assistants must be on 100% commission because you can’t get more than a yard into one of their garish hell-hole shops without being ambushed by at least two of them. I went in once for a bean-on-a-string handsfree kit (cost: £4.99). I was met at the threshold by two chaps who wanted to know how they might serve me today. “I’d like a handsfree kit for a Nokia Whatever-it-was, please,” I said. “Not a Bluetooth one, though. Not even a Nokia one. Just your cheapest tangly-nasty-wire-type-one.”
“No problem, sir,” said No. 1, lunging between me and No. 2. “Come on in, the water’s lovely.”
Honestly, he really did.
I bet that night he told someone how he’d “closed the sale at four nine nine”, conveniently omitting the decimal point. Actually, no: I bet that night he sat eating a microwave lasagne for one and imagined telling someone he’d closed the sale at four nine nine.
No, wait - I bet he told the lasagne.
One day when I’m really bored I’m going to set myself a challenge to touch the back wall of Phones4U and get all the way out again without being asked whether I need any help there mate.
I just registered for a YouTube account.
I wouldn’t have bothered if I’d known it was going to be so bloody frank.
What every office needs: an enormous Elvis mural, made of Post-Its, in the boardroom.
post-it note elvis by ih8gates.
(And here’s how it’s done. Now what’s your excuse?)
Slogan seen embossed on a Love Heart passed to one of my daughters this morning by a friend in the playground.
My, how times have changed. Other slogans I spotted were “TXT ME”, “PODCAST ME” and “HAPPYSLAP ME”.
It’s not every day you get an invitation to an exclusive black-tie dinner and cocktail soirée from one of the big .com corporations.
Nor is it every day that they send you a grovelling and personally addressed apology for having mistaken you for someone they would invite to an exclusive black-tie dinner and cocktail soirée.
The icing on the cake is when they personally address it to the first-thing-that-came-to-mind, fart-arsed name you made up when they first demanded it in return for a free download.
I’ve been served a book meme by Anthony “WMD 404″ Cox - a kind of Desert Island Discs only with books instead of discs, and only 5 instead of 8. And no desert island. Anyway, here goes…
Number of books I own: I haven’t counted, and I don’t like to boast, so let’s just say we’re talking double figures.
Last book bought: About Grace by Anthony Doerr
Last book read: Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami (an absolute masterpiece!)
Five books that mean a lot to me:
I pulled out the survival manual. Its pages were still wet. I turned them carefully. The manual was written by a British Royal Navy commander. It contained a wealth of practical information on surviving at sea after a shipwreck. It included survival tips such as:
And so on.
Who am I going to tag? Er, nobody. Sorry, I just don’t know any other bloggers who haven’t taken part already. The trail stops here. Please return to what you were doing.
The UK weather blog Rising Slowly has given a very flattering mention to The Mighty Weatheralizer!
Pay particular note to the comment about where we’d be without bitrot. Where indeed??
When I have a whole day to spare and I want to spend it getting a headache, I like nothing better than to attempt the Guardian prize crossword. They’re usually set by Araucaria, a setter of fiendish reputation. Probably his best known crossword clue was an enormous anagram to do with Jeffrey Archer.
Sadly that one was before my time, but I am glad to have encountered another gem of his in the prize puzzle on the 5th of February:
Wee dram for a Glaswegian: the rot’s mended: ‘Who wrote a Zimbabwean Othello’ (5,3,1,9,4,5)
I pretty soon figured out that it was an anagram of “Wee dram for a Glaswegian: the rot” but I couldn’t make head or tail of the rest. A good deal of head scratching later, it finally clicked that the answer was the first line of a purpose-written limerick, of which the second line was “Who wrote a Zimbabwean Othello”. From the letters available and the pattern of the answer I could even get as far as “There was a [something] from [somewhere]“, but it still took another fair while and a couple of paracetamol before I finally cracked it. Ever since, I’ve been chuckling every time I think about it:
didgeridoo… easel… functor… are you laughing yet?
Blogrot field operative Chubby Bat has alerted me to this list of community groups in Oxfordshire. Chubby Bat writes:
Random sample of six consecutive entries:
Baptists
Basketball
Battered wives
Beekeeping
Bell-ringing
Bi-sexualsI’d quite like to do a week at each, out of curiosity.
