The latest streak of genius to wow the modern art world is 4-year-old American Marla Olmstead. Marla paints works of abstract expressionism which are selling like hot, ludicrously overpriced cakes to the New York cognoscenti.

Hmmm.

I have genuine trouble distinguishing Marla’s paintings from the various works by my own 4-year-old daughters that adorn our kitchen walls. As far as I can make out, the key distinctions are:
(a) Nobody has ever paid us $15,000 for one of Hannah or Lauren’s paintings, and
(b) Theirs are called things like “Monster” or “Butterfly” or “Mummy”. Marla’s, on the other hand, have titles. And not just any old titles: bo proper arty titles like “Ode to Pollock“, “Digits III” and “Bottom Feeder“.

Hannah and Lauren used to be bottom feeders too, but they grew out of it aged around 2.