We put the kids to bed, had a cup of tea and then watched some telly, but at least we didn’t dress up as a toolbar.
For Halloween, eighteen of us dressed up as the different parts of the Toolbar itself.
– Google blog
I hoped at first that it might be some weird new euphemism, but I’ve now come to the conclusion that they actually dressed as a toolbar.
Quick! Ooh! Everyone get over-excited! Google’s buying a SPACESHIP! Let’s run around squealing! Let’s call it Space 2.0! Ooh, I like that! Let’s tell everyone! Googlegooglegoogle!
I hope you’ll forgive my scepticism, I’ve had a long day. Plus I’ve managed to get hold of a photo of what’s really going on inside Google’s secret hangar, “Building 43”.
UPDATE: DROP EVERYTHING AGAIN! AMAZON’S BOUGHT ONE TOO!
Google’s new Code Search feature is good news for software developers who want to avoid reinventing the wheel by finding an existing solution to a problem. It’s even better news for software developers (or anyone else for that matter) who are bored on a Friday afternoon and want to look up some rude words.
A couple of my favourites to date, hidden deep inside the source code that powers the world’s computers:
Searching for testicles…
# FrSIRT 24/24 & 7/7 - Centre de Recherche on Donkey Testicles.
# Free 14 day Testicle licking trial available!
Searching for bollocks…
A note: the CTCP protocol sucks bollocks. If I ever meet the fellow who
came up with it, I'll shave their head and tattoo obscenities on it.
But the best ones combine swearing with technical jargon in a way that is almost poetic, for example:
/* this is one of the fucking FPU tables out of the 00-BH range */
/* did I mention how much I hate Intel? Fucking wankers... */
Did Tennyson ever come up with such purity of expression? Did Wordsworth? Did Ayres?
I think not.
…is, as with most other things, plain old stupidity.
Microsoft, 1 March: “We’ll be better than Google in 6 months!”
Microsoft, 3 March: “Oh, that Google? We thought you said… um… a poodle.”
There is no need to adjust your monitor: that really is the word “humble” on Microsoft’s site. Momentous stuff.
Not content with indexing everything on the planet, Google now brings us Google Moon. Zoom right in for a breathtaking close-up of the surface.
Why settle for rhinestones when you could have diamonds? Why drink Tesco Bière de France when you could have Stella Artois? Why make do with a Thai ladyboy when you could have Kylie? etc.
OK, I recant. No sooner do I scoff at the mighty Google than they go and land us with Google Earth, the first fruit of their acquisition of Keyhole. It’s pretty amazing. I’ve managed to locate our street, then our house, then the car parked outside. I can’t quite make out my sunglasses on the dashboard, but I’m sure they’re working on it.
Google Video Search – the technology that previously let you pinpoint the least eventful frames in the dullest videos – finally launches its playback feature and declares itself a major new playa on the World’s Craziest Pets stage. Ladies and gentlemen, behold… AIBO vs. Iguana Dressed As Santa
As part of its ongoing mission to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful, Google has
embraced sorry, acquired Keyhole, a global satellite imagery service. As Keyhole’s website states, coverage is patchy and focused mainly on major US conurbations, although I notice there’s particularly detailed (and recent) photography of Baghdad, Fallujah and Najaf.
…and so it’s a good job I was sitting down when, on the hunt for some freebie wallpaper, I did a Google search for “wicker man” and found this bag of piss instead.
There’s a lesson in here somewhere – probably about not pissing off people with guns. I love the fact that he hung it on his bar wall “in the style of a hunting trophy”. That shows real class.
I wonder if he was using Google’s “feeling lucky” feature at the time?
Google’s Desktop Search tool is attracting the usual mixture of adulation and suspicion. What bothers me most about the thinly-veiled attacks from Google’s competitors is their lack of imagination. The same cannot be said of one inspired post to the Guardian Unlimited Onlineblog. (Read the posting by Gregory Block, then the response two places below it.)