Category Archives: Politics

What right do I, an Englishman, have to demand yellow bananas in February?

Green bananas at Tesco todayI was in half a mind to bring Tesco’s sorry arrangement of bananas to the attention of the authorities today. Greener than Kermit’s left bollock, the whole damn lot of them.

But then I stopped and thought: what right do I, an Englishman, have to demand yellow bananas in February?

I wish I had a wider point to make here about globalisation or the environmental impact of air freight, but I don’t really. I just thought it was interesting, the whole thing with the bananas.

Experts: they just don’t make ’em like they used to

Next time you’re writing a cheque for your licence fee, remember to seal it with a kiss for people like Chris Lake, expert on the cost of sending e-mails:

The cost of sending 1.8 million e-mails is about £6,000, estimates Chris Lake, editor of E-consultancy.com which advises people on internet strategy.

“Last week I had lunch with someone who sends out 180,000 a week as a newsletter, which cost him £600,” he says. “That would make it £6,000, but it could be much less or much more. Plus there are the resources to craft it and put it together.”

There are lots of variables so we can’t be sure, he says.

Thank God he had lunch with another idiot in time, otherwise where would we be now? Sheer guesswork from some pillock, that’s where. Imagine that.

I don’t know why they didn’t go straight to Guy Goma.

Paxman with a cat on his head

Quite why a Dutchman should concern himself with producing a wobbly picture of Paxman with a cat on his head I have no idea, but concern himself he did.

It reminds me of the animation I once did of Wim Kok with an ocelot up his arse: I must dig it out some time. (At least I think that was the title.)

“Our intelligence said that he was crazy and a pervert. He’s not crazy.”

One of the excellent quotes of 2006 from The Observer, which includes an entire Paris Hilton section. But who was referring to whom?

  1. Colin Powell on Osama bin Laden?
  2. Madeleine Albright on Kim Jong-Il?
  3. Donald Rumsfeld on Saddam Hussein?
  4. Paris Hilton on John Prescott?

Find out here.

It will take more than an bunch of embittered Trotskyists to ruin our Boxing Day traditions

Spent an exhilarating day out on the rob today. Boxing Day is traditionally a great day for breaking and entering, as houses are chock full of brand new gear and people are out visiting relatives. Technically, of course, burgling with crowbars is now illegal, outlawed by a control-freak government as part of its risible class war. But the law is an ass, and far too blunt a tool for killing a passion handed down over generations from man to boy. Loopholes will always be found and exploited. Blair will never understand our ancient city ways.

A Happy Boxing Day to you all!

foxhunt.jpg

Just part of the magnificent haul we liberated from an end terrace in West Kirby today.

Lembit Öpik has left Siân Lloyd for one of the Cheeky Girls

No seriously. Lembit Öpik has left Siân Lloyd for one of the Cheeky Girls.

We do know each other from two months, but didn’t actually go out together only from two weeks now.

said the Cheeky Girl.

I was going to do a picture or a joke to go with it but then I thought, why should I? Think up your own joke for a change. Go on, piss off.

When’s the nude guy coming?

As seen on BBC Radio 4The wicked moral rot of the Democrats continues its relentless march into all spheres of public life. Today it was Nick Robinson on Radio 4’s PM.

I could barely believe my ears:

Ministers and civil servants when you talk to them privately aren’t thinking about the beginning on today this Queen’s speech, they’re thinking: when’s he off and when’s the nude guy coming.

Robinson with that faraway look feared by the nation's ministers and civil servantsI’ve always thought very highly of Robinson in the past, but now I can see he’s just as demented and sex-crazed as the rest of them. I can hardly close my eyes without falling prey to the vilest images of him, knocking on my entrance with his Black Rod and such like.

And to think children could have been listening! Thank God ours prefer Radio 3.

World descends into bacchanalia as Democrats take House of Representatives

The world faces a terrifying and uncertain future today as the United States falls into the hands of pro-terror, anti-life lunatics. Wanton debauchery will surely follow. Listen to the podcast to hear leading Democrat Nancy Pelosi calling for a “nude erection” in Iraq. Meanwhile at a victory rally Democrats show al-Qaeda how America will be waging its “war on terror” from now on: gay men with water pistols.

A terrifying Democrat vision for Iraq

United Nations by Photochiel.

Thank God we still have David Cameron otherwise all might truly be lost.

In a multicultural society, can’t we just accept the cow people?

I was full of hope yesterday for a bright new future for the cow people, but it seems it is not to be. The Daily Mail leader column was typical of the general mood, speaking of “driving these ghastly bovine chimeras to the sea where we will drown them like cats”. For me it’s the 99.9% human that’s important, but some people just can’t see past the 0.1% cow.

It seems that a true multicultural society remains, for the cow people at least, the stuff of political rhetoric and fanciful photographic trickery.

A Face In The CrOWd by MykReeve

A Face In The CrOWd by MykReeve.

You are a devious toad, Beverley Hughes

As seen on BBC Radio 4Fame beckons at last! I was broadcast live across the nation tonight as I asked the final question on Radio 4’s Any Questions. Needless to say it was well worth the wait: a cracking little number that blindsided the entire panel and had each and every one of them by the metaphorical goolies. Having said that, the answer from Beverley Hughes was as despicable a piece of ministerial weaselry as I have ever heard.

You can catch the whole programme this week on the website, or during the repeat on Radio 4 tomorrow (Saturday 30th), 1.10-2.00pm. I shall be making a personal copy during that time, the very last portion of which may or may not accidentally make its way into the blogrot podcast. We’ll see.

Update: the pod is cast! The question referred to Two Jabs’ shocking use of the “s-word” at the Labour Party conference in Manchester. Unlike Prezza, though, none of the panel quite managed to move the audience to tears with their answers.

I particularly enjoyed Conservative front bencher Alan Duncan’s apology for the absence of Conservative MPs up here… speaking, as he was, in the heart of a Tory constituency.

Another update: for the next few weeks you’ll also find a transcript here.

On Harare Moor Bah T’at

mugabe.jpgIt’s just been pointed out to me that Mugabe is “E’ ba gum” backwards.

Also, if you play the theme music to Last Of The Summer Wine backwards and turn the sound right up you can clearly hear the words “Africa must revert to what it was before the imperialists divided it”.

Twisting the knife/stingray’s pointy thing

They say that his response to that Diana thing was the making of him, but just look how quickly Blair pushes Steve Irwin off the front pages to peddle his own obscene agenda. Mark my words, these are his true colours coming through now.

For God’s sake man, don’t you know your people are in mourning??

Blair
Blair dresses as a crocodile to trample
on Irwin’s grave yesterday