“Bored” is just another word for not enough press-ups

Youths ‘bored in school holidays’ reveals the BBC in yet another bit of piercing investigative journalism. However do they do it? They’re so down with the kids they must be scraping their faces on the pavement. The mind boggles at the ability of those 30-something men in ties to to connect with the adolescent zeitgeist.

It hasn’t always been this way, of course. In my day we had loads of stuff to occupy those long six weeks of the soul from July to August, including:

  • Brushing up on our Spanish on Sesame Street (e.g. “¿Sabes porqué me llaman la cuenta? ¡Porque amo contar!” – I know, doesn’t work. That’s Spanish for you I’m afraid.)
  • Waiting for Daley Thompson’s Decathlon to load on our ZX Spectrum
  • Sticking all the stickers back on our Rubik’s Cube in the right order
  • Applying tiny amounts of superglue to our friend’s sister’s doll so she had to sleep with her eyes open
  • Spending a whole day talking like the Belfast Why Don’t You? gang (“Frr thos wun yu’ll need som glyee”)
  • Filling our mouths with biscuit and water and then pretending to vomit on the pavement

Bored? The word hadn’t been invented.

A small boy, yesterday, shortly before he became bored and turned to terrorism.