I was in half a mind to bring Tesco’s sorry arrangement of bananas to the attention of the authorities today. Greener than Kermit’s left bollock, the whole damn lot of them.
But then I stopped and thought: what right do I, an Englishman, have to demand yellow bananas in February?
I wish I had a wider point to make here about globalisation or the environmental impact of air freight, but I don’t really. I just thought it was interesting, the whole thing with the bananas.
Next time you’re writing a cheque for your licence fee, remember to seal it with a kiss for people like Chris Lake, expert on the cost of sending e-mails:
The cost of sending 1.8 million e-mails is about £6,000, estimates Chris Lake, editor of E-consultancy.com which advises people on internet strategy.
“Last week I had lunch with someone who sends out 180,000 a week as a newsletter, which cost him £600,” he says. “That would make it £6,000, but it could be much less or much more. Plus there are the resources to craft it and put it together.”
There are lots of variables so we can’t be sure, he says.
Thank God he had lunch with another idiot in time, otherwise where would we be now? Sheer guesswork from some pillock, that’s where. Imagine that.
I don’t know why they didn’t go straight to Guy Goma.
…until a smoke-free England. Huzzah!
One day our children will climb onto our knees and ask, “Daddy,” (for that is my name), “did you really have to wash your trousers after every trip to the pub?” Yes, we’ll tell them, those were hard days. I wore my knuckles to the bone on the dial of that Zanussi.
Persil must be bricking it. I hear they have their very best boffins working on new kinds of dirt as you read this.
During my Hornby railway phase, many moons ago, I never recall seeing Ringo or Bernard Cribbins getting up to this kind of shenanigans.
The man moves his buttocks and needs between 14 and 16 volts to do so, AC or DC.
- Caption for Sexy Lovers in Motion.
Other models include rutting deer, some immigrants getting rounded up by the cops, and Police Raid on a Brothel.
I just got one of those e-mails that ends with:
Please consider the environment – do you really need to print this email?
Yeah, I thought, good point. So I wrote it all down instead, but I only had a crayon handy so it ran to 8 pages.
I looked at them and thought: so who’s that helping exactly?
This whole paedophile business puts me in mind of the last place I worked, where after 5 years the boss we’d all assumed was a 29-year-old man in fact turned out to be 12.
There we were thinking he was a bit of a dick, but for a 12-year-old he was actually quite mature.
Blame, blame, blame – that’s all we seem to hear these days. So now we’re to blame for global warming too, according to the so-called “scientists”.
How would they like it if the boot was on the other foot? How would they feel about headlines like these?
Scientists Blamed For Boring Programmes On BBC Four
Scientists To Blame For Computers Not Working Properly, Say Humans
Scientists All Have Comb-Overs And Silly Beards
See? Not nice, is it. Maybe it’s time for the “scientists” to get their own house in order before they start criticising us humans.