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The eye drop regime for this conjunctivitis is doing my head in already. Every two hours I have to pop a drop in each eye. Every two hours! I’m beginning to feel like the bloke with the button down the hole beneath the hatch in Lost. There’s a thought: maybe if I pop outside I can find some bald nut who I can talk into coming in and doing it for me.

At least I don’t have to listen to Mama Cass records all day.