OWWW!!!!!!! Ow!! Ow!! Ow!! Bastard! Bastard! Ow!!!

As you can probably tell, I’ve just hurt my knuckle on a cheese grater. I was only reaching for a knife but the draining board had been booby-trapped by rebel guerrillas.

When I weigh up the pros and cons I think I’d prefer to live in a world without graters. Is the odd bit of narrow-gauge cheese or carrot really worth the risk? I don’t think so. Besides, you can buy it pre-grated in a bag now – essentially you pay someone else danger money to do the grating for you. And they say market forces don’t work! As long as there’s no blood actually in the bag, I’m happy.

Next week: the time I stepped on a plug and envisaged a utopia without electricity.