Open letter to the woman at Millie’s Cookies, Euston Station concourse, London

I felt I ought to write regarding that phrase I used earlier: “a tiny bit of milk”. You see, up where I’m from that has quite a specific meaning, namely: “just a very small quantity of milk”. In fact, you’ll often see it accompanied (as demonstrated earlier today by myself) by the thumb and forefinger held just a hair’s breadth apart, indicating smallness or sparsity.

It does not mean (as you appear to have interpreted it): “please take a tea-bag, wring it out under the tap, and then drop it into a cup of hot milk”. I accept that both phrases use the word “milk”, which perhaps is where the confusion arose. But there, as I think you’ll begin to see on closer examination, the similarity pretty much stops.

Can I take this opportunity to apologise for any distress caused by my vagueness on the milk issue, and to assure you that it will not happen again?

Thank you,

Pig on Wheels.