The tomato spiders are coming! The tomato spiders are coming!
Quick kids, into the basement. Don’t worry about Aunt Lucy, that ole coot’s mad as a grasshopper.
Or something like that.
Photo: The Attack of the Tomato Spiders!!! by bitrot
Archive for March, 2006
Duality: how it’s fascinated the great creative souls of our generation. From Status Quo’s Dog Of Two Head to the Spice Girls’ Two Become One, our great thinkers have… erm… sorry, I’ve lost my thread a bit.
Where was I going with this?
Oh yeah, that was it. Conclusive proof that the Japanese are all barmy finally comes in the shape of the two-cursored mouse. One mouse: two cursors. No idea how it works. Mad as a box of frogs, the lot of them.
Microsoft, 1 March: “We’ll be better than Google in 6 months!”
Microsoft, 3 March: “Oh, that Google? We thought you said… um… a poodle.”
There is no need to adjust your monitor: that really is the word “humble” on Microsoft’s site. Momentous stuff.
I just received this e-mail from some chap named Kyisztina at maxwelln@kjvmail.com:
Subject: get ur facts str8
Date: 05/03/2006 05:00
To: NoddisYo Noddis,
Here’s some pretty hard facts to deal with that the majority of women are
not satisfied with the size of there ‘s machinery, also their disappointed
by their show in the room. Is this soundinglike u. If so, stop by
{address of Kyisztina’s doubtless fascinating website here}.everyone wants to change the world in some drastic way. But in the end,
they realize that there’s nothing . actually a good idea in the first
place. Sure, it lowered the population growth rate tremendously, but the
number of infantHope is was of some help
Kyisztina.
Well frankly, Kyisztina, no it wasn’t. What the hell was all that about? You really ought to proof-read your e-mails before you send them out. The punctuation stinks! And send them to the right person – who’s this Noddis character?
Honestly, some people just don’t try. I might have been interested in whatever it was he was talking about if it hadn’t been so shoddily presented.
I’m blogging this whilst making my way through a packet of biscuits. Today’s biscuits of choice are Bahlsen Choco Leibniz, Orange Milk Chocolate Edition. They’re truly a triumph of German engineering, on a par with the VW Golf or the Bosch cordless drill. My only gripe is the slogan on the front of the packet: “More chocolate than a biscuit”. I find it troublingly ambiguous, possibly meaning any of the following:
- Each unit contains proportionally more chocolate content than biscuit content. (In which case it should be “more chocolate than biscuit”, surely? And I’m not entirely sure it’s true either.)
- Each unit contains more chocolate than “a biscuit” – i.e. it is statistically more chocolatey than some notional “standard” biscuit. (But what would such a standard be? Do they have Rich Tea in Germany? What if the standard is a Bourbon biscuit? Perhaps the DIN could be of assistance on this one?)
- A more literary usage: the Choco Leibniz is “more chocolate than a biscuit”, in the sense that Darth Vader was said to be “more machine now than man”. (But surely that would place them in the chocolate aisle in Sainsbury’s, along with the Kit-Kats, Clubs and the like, rather than on the biscuit aisle where I found them?)
- Some fourth, untranslatable meaning that sounds great in German but rubbish in English – a kind of “Vorsprung durch Biscuit”. (In which case, why translate it? Don’t they know that’s what makes Audis appear classy?)
Still, it’s a minor drawback to what is a superb biscuit. If I was given a choice between a life without Choco Leibniz biscuits, and a life as some half-human blubberous mass being levered in through the doors of the Jerry Springer show, I can’t honestly say I’d choose the former.
Biscuit eaters of the world unite! We have nothing to lose but our mobility!
A brilliant bit of advertising from Microsoft here, albeit a few years old. I was a dab-hand at assignments back in my day (well before 2003) and I always took my glasses off in bed. I’m kicking myself now for not advertising.
Whoa! The all new-look blogrot is here, along with its new mascot, the moon-faced boy.
People who know what an RSS feed is can get the new one here. People who don’t should consider themselves fortunate.
I hope you like our new direction.