I’m blogging this whilst making my way through a packet of biscuits. Today’s biscuits of choice are Bahlsen Choco Leibniz, Orange Milk Chocolate Edition. They’re truly a triumph of German engineering, on a par with the VW Golf or the Bosch cordless drill. My only gripe is the slogan on the front of the packet: “More chocolate than a biscuit”. I find it troublingly ambiguous, possibly meaning any of the following:
- Each unit contains proportionally more chocolate content than biscuit content. (In which case it should be “more chocolate than biscuit”, surely? And I’m not entirely sure it’s true either.)
- Each unit contains more chocolate than “a biscuit” – i.e. it is statistically more chocolatey than some notional “standard” biscuit. (But what would such a standard be? Do they have Rich Tea in Germany? What if the standard is a Bourbon biscuit? Perhaps the DIN could be of assistance on this one?)
- A more literary usage: the Choco Leibniz is “more chocolate than a biscuit”, in the sense that Darth Vader was said to be “more machine now than man”. (But surely that would place them in the chocolate aisle in Sainsbury’s, along with the Kit-Kats, Clubs and the like, rather than on the biscuit aisle where I found them?)
- Some fourth, untranslatable meaning that sounds great in German but rubbish in English – a kind of “Vorsprung durch Biscuit”. (In which case, why translate it? Don’t they know that’s what makes Audis appear classy?)
Still, it’s a minor drawback to what is a superb biscuit. If I was given a choice between a life without Choco Leibniz biscuits, and a life as some half-human blubberous mass being levered in through the doors of the Jerry Springer show, I can’t honestly say I’d choose the former.
Biscuit eaters of the world unite! We have nothing to lose but our mobility!