HELLO? I’M ON THE MOUSE!

Mouse phoneSony has announced the ultimate gizmo for 2006: a mouse with a phone built into it. I’m even more excited than I was when the boffins announced that mouse with an ear built into it a few years ago. Similar idea, of course, except Sony’s comes in three different colours.

It got me thinking about other hybrid devices we might all benefit from.

The Coffeeboard
A keyboard that also makes coffee, tea and other hot drinks. Simply type “L-A-T-T-E”, “E-A-R-L-G-R-E-Y” or “N-I-C-E-C-U-P-O-F-H-O-R-L-I-C-K-S” and the drink of your choice comes dribbling out the side and forms in a puddle on the desk. Logitech will produce one with special “One Sugar” and “Two Sugar” buttons for dummies. Real men will use F2 and Ctrl+F5 respectively.

The RomTom (or TomCom)
An in-car navigation system that will guide you to the nearest cinema showing a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan. There’ll be big bucks in tie-in deals with the major studios, you mark my words. Hit titles will include When Harry Successfully Navigated His Way To Sally and Sleepless in 47°36’0″ N, 122°19’0″ W.

The Cameracopier
Put simply, it’s a photocopier with a camera built in. The ultimate accessory in non-portable photography, the Cameracopier will enable people to take pictures of small grey rooms with hitherto unimagined ease. It won’t be long until the Finns break ahead of the pack with a copier bearing two cameras, or even three. The sky’s the limit. In a perverse echo of the Wilkinson Sword/Gillette Blade Race of the 1990s, progress won’t be halted until we have a copier that’s completely encrusted with tiny cameras, like some giant fly’s eye. Flickr will spin off a whole separate site for pictures of grey rooms. It’s the future.

The Jetboots
It’s, like, boots, but with jets. I’m surprised nobody’s thought of this stuff before. I’m on a roll.

The FacePod
An infinitesimally cute white MP3 player that can perform an emergency face transplant. The competitors, with their silly obsessions with this many hours of video, or that many gigabytes of “songs”, will stand back and gasp as the FacePod leaps into action after a savage dog attack, repairing delicate nerve endings and popping your eyes back in. Your friends will be slack-jawed with amazement. You’ll just be slack-jawed.

Trevor Bayliss, eat your heart out.

2 thoughts on “HELLO? I’M ON THE MOUSE!

  1. How can you work on the computer whilst holding you mouse to your ear? Answer me that, oh technophile.

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