The whale is dead. Long live the whale.

Tragedy has struck: a whale has died. Woe is all of us.

Still, hey, it’s only a whale. I’m sure worse things have happened today – just ask Mrs Oaten. Not that that will stop those bloody Londoners, though. You know what they’re like with their outpourings of sodding grief. It’ll be all non-stop blubber blubber blubber.

Happy Whale by Sir Norman Foster will replace one of the gondolas of the London Eye from February, representing how the whale swam around and around happily in our faeces and toxic effluent before sadly dying.

UPDATE: Apologies, that was Liverpudlians I was thinking of.