How many ID cards would pre-operative transsexuals get under the Liberal Democrats?
A. None: ID cards are expensive, intrusive and ineffective.
B. The Liberal Democrats opposes any kind of discrimination based on race, creed, sex or gender orientation. Transsexuals will get one card per gonad just like everybody else.
C. Of course I’m not a transsexual. I’m just a single guy who happens to have breasts.
Has anyone else noticed David Cameron doing that thing with his thumbs that Tony Blair does? A masterpiece of editing on the part of the BBC tonight saw him do it twice in the same report: once whilst speaking to a left-wing think-tank (1) and once in an interview (2), both whilst claiming not to be Tony Blair.
But just look for a moment at picture no. 3. That’s why Cameron can never succeed – the Blair Bithumbic Manoeuvre, pioneered by the master himself, and a technique that really separates out the boys from the men. Until Cameron can master it, he’s a spent force before he’s even begun.
Asked if David Blunkett was right to say that there was a new understanding between the Chancellor and the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister’s Official Spokesman replied that he had nothing to add to what the Prime Minister did not say this morning live on air.
(Downing Street morning press briefing, 30 January 2006)
I’m glad that’s clear then.
A shocking new report highlights the extent of heroin abuse in the UK today.
I’m getting so bored of the other one.
Tragedy has struck: a whale has died. Woe is all of us.
Still, hey, it’s only a whale. I’m sure worse things have happened today – just ask Mrs Oaten. Not that that will stop those bloody Londoners, though. You know what they’re like with their outpourings of sodding grief. It’ll be all non-stop blubber blubber blubber.
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Happy Whale by Sir Norman Foster will replace one of the gondolas of the London Eye from February, representing how the whale swam around and around happily in our faeces and toxic effluent before sadly dying. |
UPDATE: Apologies, that was Liverpudlians I was thinking of.
Papa J alerts blogrot to a hideous genetic experiment gone wrong… being terrorised by a mutant rat monster.
Here’s a picture of my friend (and blogrot reader) Darren with Barry Chuckle:
I am speechless with envy.
Asked how long it took her to “write” “her” book, Jodie Marsh (of Celebrity Big Brother/having large breasts fame) replied: “I wrote the first 30,000 words in two months, just whenever I could find a free day. Then I wrote 90,000 words in a week.”
I had no idea the girl was so talented, and would like to take back anything I may have said about her in the past.
Finally, somebody’s blogged a blonde joke I’ve never heard before!
Respect is the word on everyone’s lips today, it seems. The BBC even goes as far as asking a select group of prominent thinkers, theologians and rappers what is respect? The common concensus appears to be that it’s the antithesis of violence and loutishness. After all, didn’t Fur Q once remind us that “you can’t kill everybody, because then you’d have nobody left to respect”?
Anyway, it all goes to show how far off beam I was. I always thought respect was what you got when you wore an expensive watch in the wrong kind of chicken coop.
I-thank-you.
So farewell then,
Tony Banks.
You loved animals
Yet you famously insulted
Boa constrictors.
Come in, Kennedy, your time is up! There’s a new kid on the block. Mark my words: all this boy needs now is a drink problem** and he could go all the way.
* “Mr. Speaker, Members of the House, I shall be brief, as I have rather unfortunately become prime minister right in the middle of my exams.”
(Pitt the Younger)
** How spooky: I posted this at 9:50 this morning – just 8 hours before Chatshow Charlie’s shock revelation of a drink problem and subsequent call for a leadership contest. Oliver Smith for PM!
