OK, I recant. No sooner do I scoff at the mighty Google than they go and land us with Google Earth, the first fruit of their acquisition of Keyhole. It’s pretty amazing. I’ve managed to locate our street, then our house, then the car parked outside. I can’t quite make out my sunglasses on the dashboard, but I’m sure they’re working on it.
Archive for June, 2005
Google Video Search - the technology that previously let you pinpoint the least eventful frames in the dullest videos - finally launches its playback feature and declares itself a major new playa on the World’s Craziest Pets stage. Ladies and gentlemen, behold… AIBO vs. Iguana Dressed As Santa
My latest incisive movie review has been blocked from publication. It’s censorship, goddammit!
The dark side clouds everything…
Slogan seen embossed on a Love Heart passed to one of my daughters this morning by a friend in the playground.
My, how times have changed. Other slogans I spotted were “TXT ME”, “PODCAST ME” and “HAPPYSLAP ME”.
An honourable mention to the first reader who can tell me who this is. I’ll let you guess for a bit before I post the answer.
Here’s a starter for ten: it’s a famous white male…
It’s not every day you get an invitation to an exclusive black-tie dinner and cocktail soirée from one of the big .com corporations.
Nor is it every day that they send you a grovelling and personally addressed apology for having mistaken you for someone they would invite to an exclusive black-tie dinner and cocktail soirée.
The icing on the cake is when they personally address it to the first-thing-that-came-to-mind, fart-arsed name you made up when they first demanded it in return for a free download.
I’ve been served a book meme by Anthony “WMD 404″ Cox - a kind of Desert Island Discs only with books instead of discs, and only 5 instead of 8. And no desert island. Anyway, here goes…
Number of books I own: I haven’t counted, and I don’t like to boast, so let’s just say we’re talking double figures.
Last book bought: About Grace by Anthony Doerr
Last book read: Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami (an absolute masterpiece!)
Five books that mean a lot to me:
- The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro - my all-time favourite book, and as fine a study of British emotional constipation as you’re likely to find.
- Scepticism, Inc. by Bo Fowler - the only thing I’ve ever read that describes my own world view perfectly.
- A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving - probably the book I’ve read more than any other. It’s become like a nice pair of old shoes now, and my copy is falling apart. I always make the same mistake of starting to read it at Christmas for the enchanting chapters where the boys are growing up in a snowy Maine wonderland, and forgetting that that’ll leave me in January with the depressing second half where they’re getting blown to pieces in Vietnam. Doh!
- Life of Pi by Yann Martel - utterly beautiful, and a very close runner-up to Remains of the Day as my desert island book. In fact, no, this would be my desert island book, if only for chapter 58:
I pulled out the survival manual. Its pages were still wet. I turned them carefully. The manual was written by a British Royal Navy commander. It contained a wealth of practical information on surviving at sea after a shipwreck. It included survival tips such as:
And so on.
- Katie’s Zoo by Me (No link because I haven’t finished writing it yet. Or had it published.) - 10-year-old Katie comes home one day to find a crocodile called George behind her settee. He talks her into letting him stay, but Katie gradually begins to question whether George is really as harmless and mild-mannered as he seems. In fact, she wonders if he might have something to do with the mysterious disappearance of a local cat. As Katie starts to investigate, matters only get more complicated - and that’s before further strange and uninvited guests start to arrive…
Who am I going to tag? Er, nobody. Sorry, I just don’t know any other bloggers who haven’t taken part already. The trail stops here. Please return to what you were doing.
It’s Glastonbury weekend, so like clockwork the glorious weather packs in and out come the clouds. Will the hippies never learn?
It’s about time someone stood up for potato rights. They don’t get enough representation these days.
While we’re at it, it’s high time we did away with other derogatory phrases such as “love spuds”, “having a chip on your shoulder” and “Maris Piper flaps”.
Please visit the BBC Greatest Disabled TV Character poll and ask yourself: what would Thora Hird do?
Or alternatively, what would Stephen Hawking do?
The Internet is the spiritual home of the weird amateur crossover video, but today I think I’ve come across two of the weirdest: a commentary on UK ID cards in the style of Gilbert and Sullivan and yet another Star Wars pastiche… but this one using the Rebel Alliance as a metaphor for organic produce.
Darren writes:
Just tried to post the message below to your blog and got the restricted to team members response. What gives?
Come on Mark. This used to be a source of daily hilarity and now your posts have dribbled to a stand still. More, more posts I say. We the bored British public demand it.
Now I should point out here that Darren is not a man to be messed with. He doesn’t “play by the rules”. He’s the kind that eats his sandwiches by 10am then goes out for more. He just doesn’t care. He’s ruthless. Plus he once drove through Carrington, and that makes him hard too. Hard and ruthless. Ruthless and hard.
So, as a public response to Darren and our other reader, I’m going to try really hard to drivel on a bit more in future. In the meantime, might I suggest you try my other blog and just sort of think calm thoughts?
(Actually, now I read that back it’s actually two complaints in one, isn’t it? I think I’ll post more drivel and change identity, just to be on the safe side.)