Angina or no angina, I want some vibrating trousers!!
Archive for October, 2004
The recent suggestion that tea may help ward off Alzheimer’s disease is just the latest in a long line of health claims for the brown nectar. Blogrot’s own extensive research reveals a terrific list of health benefits every single time you brew up, which include preventing HIV, tooth decay, infections, arthritis, Parkinson’s disease, heart attacks, stomach cancer, skin cancer, iron build-up and headaches. It also keeps the bones strong and of course let’s not forget about Alzheimer’s. I should be the healthiest man alive!
On the down side, there is no evidence that tea is good for you, and it may cause… erm… tooth decay and Parkinson’s disease.
Research, eh? It’s as much use as a chocolate teapot.
Everyone should own Zatoichi on DVD. I’m no great fan of martial arts/samurai films, but then other ones I’ve seen haven’t been as funny as Zatoichi. And fortunately, I mean deliberately funny as opposed to so-bad-it’s-good funny. Watch it and learn the exquisite humour of the line “Today, as I was chopping wood…”
Remember last summer during Euro 2004 when everyone had those crap plastic St George’s flags on their cars? (And remember how quickly they all disappeared after Beckham fluffed his penalty against Portugal?) That week it was the main talking point on Radio 4′s Any Questions, with the panel split 50/50 between thinking it was (a) a terrifying wave of fascism engulfing the whole country or (b) just some flags. It’s amazing how quickly you forget such large-scale barminess.
Empire magazine has seen my most highly anticipated film of 2004: Pixar‘s The Incredibles. They claim it’s “some of [Pixar's] finest work” and “should be seen by everyone in the world. Twice.”
Damn it, how did I know they were going to say that? Roll on 19 November!
Interesting to note that there is another meaning of WMD (although it’s unlikely George Bush will manage to find that one either – and not just because Google still lists it beneath the better known one).
If you’re enjoying Michael Palin’s Himalaya series on BBC1 at the moment, check out the fantastic official Palin’s Travels website. It’s packed with more information than you could wish for on his six televised adventures to date, including lots of photos and wallpaper from the brilliant photographer Basil Pao.
Today’s second posting on the Bush telegraph: the Guardian’s Steve Bell has forwarded a plausible explanation for the mysterious phenomenon of “Bush’s bulge“.
Tireless in his quest to rid the world of evil-doers, devoted globalist George W Bush has now ensured that his website is inaccessible from outside the United States. The threat of someone from Europe, Africa or even (Allah forbid) the Middle East visiting the president’s website is just too terrifying to contemplate. Don’t even get me started on the North Koreans.
If, like me, you’re unfortunate enough to live in one of these danger zones and keen to see what you’re missing, you can find it in Google’s cache (minus images, of course – don’t you know Muslims build dirty bombs from those things?)
Today, on our way out in the car, and following some hushed discussions on the back seat, Hannah (one of our 4-year-old twins) suddenly asked, “Daddy! Is nineteen a big number?”
Well, how do you answer that? At that age I’d say it was pretty much right on the cusp between little and big, but without knowing the context (which, of course, they wouldn’t give me) it was about the toughest question I’ve faced to date as a father.
So, resourceful as ever, on our arrival back home I asked Google. Fat bloody use Google was. In my growing desperation, I turned to Jeeves but he was having none of it either.
Plan C is to refer the matter to the Guardian’s Notes And Queries column, but until such time as (a) it gets published, and (b) anyone answers (both slim prospects, I suspect), can anyone tell me: is 19 a big number? (And if so, how big?)
The latest streak of genius to wow the modern art world is 4-year-old American Marla Olmstead. Marla paints works of abstract expressionism which are selling like hot, ludicrously overpriced cakes to the New York cognoscenti.
Hmmm.
I have genuine trouble distinguishing Marla’s paintings from the various works by my own 4-year-old daughters that adorn our kitchen walls. As far as I can make out, the key distinctions are:
(a) Nobody has ever paid us $15,000 for one of Hannah or Lauren’s paintings, and
(b) Theirs are called things like “Monster” or “Butterfly” or “Mummy”. Marla’s, on the other hand, have titles. And not just any old titles: bo proper arty titles like “Ode to Pollock“, “Digits III” and “Bottom Feeder“.
Hannah and Lauren used to be bottom feeders too, but they grew out of it aged around 2.
I’ve just discovered the joys of Hello, a free tool from Google. Together with Picasa (also free, also from Google) it makes publishing pictures to your blog an absolute breeze. As a first attempt, here’s a picture of Panto Cow, one of our favourite cows in the recent Manchester Cow Parade. 
Thank the Lord for the Internet, for where else would we find a complete transcription of the 3 classic Derek And Clive albums?
As Derek and Clive, Dudley Moore and Peter Cook “set standards for breathtakingly obscene yet at the same time, disconcertingly erudite spoken word comedy in the 1970s”. And what more could any of us hope to achieve than that?
The producers of Big Brother are planning a real-life Truman Show, The Guardian reports. Work has already begun on a televised city outside Hamburg.
Apparently the only difference between it and the original film is that in the German version all participants will be in on the gimmick. However, with the producers hoping that contestants will “live there for years; falling in love, going to school, even getting married” and even that “couples will get pregnant”, it’ll only be a matter of time before a real Truman is born.
As Christof might have said: “Cue the son!”
Yes, you read correctly: Mike The Headless Chicken for President.
(Mind you, how can we criticise from a country where a monkey was elected mayor on a “free bananas” ticket?)